I think I’m starting to realize why I was hesitant to find out the sex of this child… Prior to this knowledge I could run very generic scenarios of fatherhood through my head. A baby is born; night after night of happy sleeplessness; hugs and giggles, spittle and poopie diapers… Mountains of poopie diapers. Smelly stinky piles and piles of damp; did I say stinky; diapers!
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’d run the scenarios straight on past babyhood, on into and through early childhood, into teenagerhood and onto the point where this new human would happily support Roberta and I through our old age-agedhood; although the person in these thoughts was quite real, he/she was still… the baby we were having…
Now, we’re having a son.
Good, God, Gracious… AND Holy-Cow; I’ve got four and a half months to figure out how I’m going to be a good father; not just to our ‘child’; but, my good-ness, to our son! My son! My DAD’s grandSON! Generation after generation of sons… Holy jumpins’ we are raising a MAN!
OK, pause for a second, deep breath; agreed and no overlooking the plain and obvious fact that Roberta has an enormous role to play in all this. There’s not a single doubt in my mind over this woman’s ability to be a mother! Considering what she’s done over the last two years by way of improving my own manliness; I can only expect, that our boy will get the benefit of having a super-mother… arrrgh; you see how crazy it is knowing?
I don’t doubt for a moment that I’m not going through everything that every man has ever gone through when faced with the prospects of raising a son… There’s a huge whole part of me that’s sayin’ “whew; I just dodged the bullet on all the, raising a daughter stuff, [for now]“… But, that’s all melting away… In this particular moment, having a daughter; and thinking about Roberta’s role in raising our son is fading for the moment… because, I know… I know we’re having a boy; AND more and more I’m reacquainting myself with this acute understanding of a very specific role I’ll be playing while raising this son to be, a man.
I have spent the last few weeks, reliving every last detail of every moment I spent with my dad…
I have spent hour after hour reviewing my own… manliness…
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not dreading this; on the contrary its the MOST exciting time in my life… But; I know… I know it’s tough to be a man; and I know, albeit second hand, its tough to be a dad… AND, then, that holy-crap moment hits again, and I know… I don’t know anything at all!
[I can't even begin to tell you how much FUN this is!]
Coming Soon: On Knowing… Part II, a completely detailed review of every last single moment I spent with my dad…
